‘Once upon a time’ may be a standard line to start fairytale stories with. It signifies a break between something past and present, or a dividing event between what was once and what subsequently happened.
So it is with becoming a mother. Once upon a time you had all the freedom in terms of time and commitments and the all important energy levels. Once your child arrives, you say goodbye to going out at the drop of a hat and being able to stay out as late as you reasonably want with cherished girl friends.
At the weekend, I read this article on how motherhood can strain friendships. It got me thinking. Yes, I too have a ‘Once upon a time’ story of lost female friendships.
First, let’s look at the power of having female friends in one’s life.
The Quiet Power of Female Friendship in Motherhood
Motherhood is a journey filled with unique joys and challenges. As we navigate its highs and lows, there’s one thing that often becomes a lifeline: friendship. Not just any friendship, but the deep, unspoken bond that grows between women.
In a world that celebrates romantic love and family connections, the significance of female friendships often takes a backseat. But ask any mother who’s had a friend pick up the phone in the middle of the night or show up with a meal when life felt overwhelming — these moments are the glue that holds us together.
Female friendships thrive on understanding and empathy. They often don’t need grand declarations or constant validation. A quick “thinking of you” text, a shared laugh over spilled milk stories, or even a knowing nod during school runs can speak volumes. These small gestures remind us that we’re not alone in the chaos of life.
When Motherhood Happens
Motherhood can sometimes feel isolating. Between sleepless nights, school drop-offs, and juggling work, it’s easy to feel disconnected from the world. This is where making time for friendships can drop off and quite unintentionally. Just when you need that friend who would understand your exhaustion you can’t summon up the will to call her for a number of reasons.
You are exhausted, feeling devalued from the hours of cleaning up and caring or you and your friends are on different trajectories. In this article, the two women semi parted ways because one had kids and the other couldn’t.
I lost friends who were super ambitious and who couldn’t understand why I wanted out of the rat race for a while to nurture a baby. I gave up explaining. My explanations started to sound like defensive reasoning. At that point, it didn’t feel right to constantly have to explain my life’s decision to be a mother.
If Your Friendships Do Stay The Course
What makes these friendships that withstand all circumstances is uniqueness and resilience. Life pulls us in different directions: careers, family commitments, or even personal growth. Yet, the best friendships don’t demand constant attention. They pick up where they left off, even after weeks or months of silence. There’s a quiet understanding that life is busy, but the bond remains unshaken.
However, nurturing these friendships requires effort. Just as we water plants to see them bloom, relationships need attention. This could mean carving out time for a coffee date, sending a supportive message, or simply being present when a friend needs you. Being sensitive to the other’s different journey in life is, I realise now, an important component in keeping the friendship going.
What Motherhood Teaches Us
Motherhood teaches us to embrace imperfection, and that extends to friendships too. There will be times when life gets in the way, or misunderstandings crop up. What matters is the willingness to reconnect and cherish the connection.
At its heart, female friendship is about showing up – not always in person but in spirit. It’s about celebrating each other’s wins, sharing the weight of losses, and walking together through the many stages of life.
As mothers, we have a unique ability to nurture, not just our children but each other. So, here’s to the power of female friendship: a constant in the ever-changing story of motherhood.
Reach Out
Take action by reaching out to someone whom you enjoyed being friends with but no longer see. I did that last year and discovered that my friend who couldn’t conceive had adopted two kids in the intervening years. Life does throw up some surprises.
