A reflective moment in a messy bedroom leads to a gentle parenting insight: sometimes the best lesson for our children is calm acceptance in stressful situations.
If there is one lesson I wish I had drilled into my daughter it’s the practice of resilience.
As mothers, we so often rush to comfort our children when they are hurting – physically and mentally. Teaching them to self soothe isn’t something that comes easy to us, mothers, when our first instinct is to protect and swat away problems facing them.
I have been suffering from an ongoing viral infection while remedial building works are taking place in my home. I have not been able to use my bedroom as a result. My cat, Milka, loves being in there. He’s my substitute child as an empty nester.
I caught him sitting (see photo) today in his favourite spot in the bedroom despite the building chaos. His normal toys have been removed. There is very little that’s familiar in there while the works carry on. Yet, he was sitting with a certain stance of stoicism.
In a moment of epiphany, it taught me that resilience is learnt in the most unlikely of places and the knowledge of resilience is that one cannot control everything that afflicts one’s life. But one can learn to adapt, breathe and stay calm, even after a period of ranting and raving.
As mothers, we often feel the need to manage everything: the environment, the emotions, the logistics, the atmosphere.
It reminded me of all the times I tried to protect my daughter from every stress or inconvenience — as if buffering her from life would make her stronger. But perhaps the real strength comes from seeing challenges honestly, facing mess with calm, and understanding that discomfort is temporary.
Sometimes, the best thing we can do for ourselves and our children is to sit with the chaos without absorbing it. To model composure rather than control. And to trust that repair, healing, and rebuilding will come — slowly, steadily, in their time.
