An article in Zoo Magazine (it is a ‘men’s magazine’ for those of you privileged enough not to be familiar with it) features a picture of a topless woman called Lana Parker. She is described as a ‘Surrey Sexpot’ who has an urgent need. Bluntly speaking she ‘could do with a visit from a friendly male builder…’ because ‘I’m trying to decorate my new bedroom and I’ve knocked a hole out of the wall. I need a bit of male help, if anyone wants to give me a hand…’
Let’s be practical here. Firstly, Google a picture of Lana Parker and you will instantly question (maybe not if you are a lusty male who falls for tacky innuendos) whether this woman would actually wield a sledgehammer against a wall and be strong enough to knock a hole in it. Secondly, they all come from Surrey don’t they? Remember the ‘Bored Surrey Housewives’ tale of the 1980s? Fact or fiction who knows but acres of video footage of women calling themselves bored rich Surrey housewives and column inches of written salacious details of forbidden Surrey sex tales sold well and became a mini Surrey industry in itself. All from touting the ‘I am here, helpless, so come and get me because I need you’ line.
Thirdly, Lana Parker would need more than a hand if she has indeed created a hole in the wall. Think of the mess that would have resulted from a mismanaged builiding job? However, no such practicalities are alluded to here. All she needs is a male reader who may be a fat banker who has no idea about DIY or a real life builder who has never been propositioned before to launch himself into some ridiculous fantasy about being THE builder who saves Lana Parker.
The narrative of the male soft porn industry that now hides itself like a wolf in sheep’s clothing within the pages of a magazine that commands respectability because it is sold in respectable outlets has not changed since the 1980s. What does this say about the men who rely on such drivel for self pleasure?
P/S Lest someone accuse me of buying or reading Zoo magazine I didn’t. This blog post was inspired by an article written by Deborah Ross in the I Newspaper titled: ‘Come on feminsts, You need to lighten Up’.